Today i had a brilliant idea and then realised its stupidity 2 seconds later. After a brief exchange of annoyance between me and my friend, who likes to tease me about my FOMO, I realised what I wanted to do.
Two months ago, if the same conversation had happened, everything would turn out a lot differently. Two months ago, I would've probably sat back holding tears as I imagined my friends sitting together at a generic Western restaurant, laughing over their salads and cold glasses of water. Without me.
But today, the conversation didn't leave me hurt or angry. As of late, I have been fine with Snapchat stories (for now). For some reason, something just clicked in my mind when I re-installed Snapchat; I no longer feel backstabbed everytime I see someone having fun without me around. Instead, a "oh, that's nice" thought floats by as I mindlessly skip through multiple stories.
The thing that got me annoyed today was that my friends were having fun- while i was stuck at home. Now, that might sound exactly like what I was describing just now, but bear with me. The issue this time around was not that I was feeling lonely, but I was absolutely bored with staying home. It was time to change that.
So if I do want to go out for excitement that badly, I decided, why don't I just go everyday by myself? It sounded good. I had the freedom, I had a bus pass so transportation fees were okay, plus going alone meant that I could go anyway without feeling like I was dragging around someone who didn't want to go.
This oh-so-brilliant idea of mine made a hissing sound quickly after, deflating and flying, swirling in the air like it was taunting me, as I looked down at the bags of snacks that i had bought with my own money. I imagined the numbers, and what it would do to my bank account. A girl working barely above minimum wage at a part-time job? Eating out 5 times a week? On top of other costs like my shopping addiction and entertainment? I dream big.
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