From FOMO to Budgeting

Today i had a brilliant idea and then realised its stupidity 2 seconds later.  After a brief exchange of annoyance between me and my friend, who likes to tease me about my FOMO, I realised what I wanted to do.

Two months ago, if the same conversation had happened, everything would turn out a lot differently.  Two months ago, I would've probably sat back holding tears as I imagined my friends sitting together at a generic Western restaurant, laughing over their salads and cold glasses of water.  Without me.
But today, the conversation didn't leave me hurt or angry.  As of late, I have been fine with Snapchat stories (for now).  For some reason, something just clicked in my mind when I re-installed Snapchat; I no longer feel backstabbed everytime I see someone having fun without me around.  Instead, a "oh, that's nice" thought floats by as I mindlessly skip through multiple stories.

The thing that got me annoyed today was that my friends were having fun- while i was stuck at home.  Now, that might sound exactly like what I was describing just now, but bear with me.  The issue this time around was not that I was feeling lonely, but I was absolutely bored with staying home.  It was time to change that.

So if I do want to go out for excitement that badly, I decided, why don't I just go everyday by myself? It sounded good.  I had the freedom, I had a bus pass so transportation fees were okay, plus going alone meant that I could go anyway without feeling like I was dragging around someone who didn't want to go.
This oh-so-brilliant idea of mine made a hissing sound quickly after, deflating and flying, swirling in the air like it was taunting me, as I looked down at the bags of snacks that i had bought with my own money. I imagined the numbers, and what it would do to my bank account.  A girl working barely above minimum wage at a part-time job? Eating out 5 times a week? On top of other costs like my shopping addiction and entertainment? I dream big.

Some self-image criticisms in 140 letters or under.

I look like a slob with limp hair  Time to fix myself.

i hope this is the summer that I magically turn hot. 

I'm still in denial about my face shape.  I really think I'm an oval, i really do.

my mom claims it's round.  i hate it because I know it'll sag when I'm older.

My chin is round, which sucks because I think pointy chins are prettier.

I'd rather have a slim face.  I don't want a large face with a small body, thanks.

Blogging 101

It's June 2016 and after months of struggling with what to do with myself, I've taken the next step in this amazing path/ritual/journey/routine in self-discovery: a cleanse.  And yes, that means deactivating my Twitter accounts (but I'll be back!) and putting myself into solitude.  A healthy amount.  Nobody other than myself will be reading this blog, but if you are, then, congratulations.

Although I am a "print-over-electronic" type of reader, I do have to admit I don't write in my journal anymore.  But i suppose that this blog will kind be my outlet of writing practice, because no harm done in sharpening the skills of a teenage writer, even if that pencil is no longer tangible.

This blog will be a place to post about cool things I find.  Little adventures with friends, food I eat, cool words I find, movies i watch, so on and so forth.  If it's a particularly dull day, then I'll find a way to make it sound interesting.  That would be a nice challenge.

It's become my philosophy (but not really a philosophy philosophy- I'm not that deep of a person) to push myself, to test myself a little more.  There is no harm done in challenging myself mentally, because there is always something to learn.  To stay in your comfort zone forever is to never gain.  

"But that also means never losing anything, either!" I know I think that sometimes.  I hope that version of me is what people call "the old Denise".  Change is ahead, and it's going to be a great ride.  (Speaking of rides, I need to get my learner's permit but I don't really want to.  Ah.  Well.)